You can have it all

When I was young, I imagined what kind of grown-up life would make me happy. A face like a Barbie, a body like a ballerina, a house as beautiful as my grandmothers, and some kind of wild success like, oh, being president or something. I also vageuly imagined romance- again, in some kind of Barbie-Ken perfectly plastic scenario where I was brought roses and went on romantic vacations to Paris.

Having it all- meaning, having everything you need to be satisfied. Being proud of yourself- your looks, your relationships, your accomplishemnts. But along the way, somehow all those things become elusive. You never really look as perfect as you need to be satisfied. Your housekeeing skills are, unfortunately, not genetic or automatic. Your romance looks more like unrolling socks to put in the washer and then folding them up again to put in the drawer. And success- real success, like, front-of-the-cover-of-Life-Magazine-succcess, is not in the cards. So what do you do?

For awhile you can fight. You can get plastic surgery, go to the gym, work long hours and make yourself detailed goals and plans to get there. You can read self-help books and pay for masterclasses online that will promise to show you the secrets of Getting All You Want. You can participate in hustle culture, hype yourself up, grit your teeth, and fight. That might work for a little while.

Or you can quit. You can fail at your diet, your SATs, your marriage. You can look in the mirror and realize that you are not capable of accomplishing any of those big dreams, and you can live a life of “quiet desperation” where you just try to stay ahead of the bill collectors and bad blood test results. If you’re lucky, you can destract yourself with novels or gaming, or find some joy in a cat or crocheting. Get enough endorphins to make it another day without going backwards too much.

But neither way really lets you “have it all.”

And who is ever really satisfied?

I think I’ve done both ways. I’ve tried, I’ve really tried, being an acheiver- at school, at parenting, at life. I’ve also spent plenty of time wallowing in the disappointing reality of my inability to achieve.

But where I’m at now is a third, very different place. It’s a place where I’ve come to realize that nothing, aboslutely nothing, that this life offers will ever really satisfy me. I am beginning to understand what Paul says to the Philippians when he wrote,

I … count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him.

No matter how beautiful, how beloved of people, how wildly intelligent, creative, or financially succesful I am, none of it will ever really satisfy. And I could spend my whole life creating goals to chase after, and none of them would do it more than momentarily. Trophies rust, beauty fades, fame is fleeting, and even human relationships, which are some of the most valuable things in life, don’t last forever. But what has brought me increasing joy, peace, and satisfaction in the deepest part of my soul are the increasingly sweet encounters I have had with the Lord.

The more I know Him, the more I love Him. He has been so good to me, and the more I live, the more I know that our Creator is so kind, so patient, so wonderful, that nothing else compares.

There’s a song right now that I love called “Have it All,” written by Brian Johnson, He turns this phrase “have it all” on it’s head. Instead of saying that we can have it all, he turns to the Lord and says, “You can have it all.” Meaning- Lord, you can have everything I have, I’d trade it all so that I can know you. I feel that way.

You never could have told me as a teenager that I’d feel like this. That I’d be 42 years old, with a checkbook bareliy not bouncing, a pile of laundry to go through, carrying way more weight and wrinkles than I ever imagined I’d deal with, and that I’d feel this utterly happy. How could that be possible?

Listen. Are you unsatisfied? Have you been looking for peace, love, worth, and a friend that never leaves you? I’m telling you, you’ll never find it through the American dream or any human accomplishment. We are created to know our Creator. You’ll find it in Him.

When you really have an experience with Him- when you actually grasp even a glimpse of Him- you’ll realize that you don’t need to accomplish anything to have worth. He is so proud of you. You don’t have to lose weight or have botox to be lovely. He cherishes you. You don’t have to strive or succeed or try to meet some goal in order to be valued or treasured. He sees you, he knows you, and he loves you. The most satisfying thing in the entire universe is really coming to the deep knowledge that you are known and loved, by the One who knows all and is pure Love. And this happens when you have an encounter with Him. It’s not just knoewing about Him, you know. It’s not just knowing this list of facts about Him- He is good, He is big, He is omniscient, immortal, invisible.

No. The true joy of a relationship comes from actually having experiences together, not listing facts about someone. You look for Him, you talk to Him, you listen for Him.

And He’s so much nearer to you than you even know. All you have to do is quiet yourself and speak to him. He’s waiting for you right now.